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Things I wish I knew 10 years ago..

Dear E – Fam,

I hope all is well at your end.

Most of you know us (Ira and me) for years now. While the usernames and content changed, the most asked questions in the last 5 years on Instagram have not changed!

“When did you get married?”

“So, did you have a divorce?”

“Oohhh, you are not married then a daughter?”

“How do you have a daughter?”

“Is your daughter adopted?”

So let’s burst the bubble!

Having SEX before marriage in India is a complete No – No. Most of my friends and cousins (paternal) had sex just like everyone has in most cases in India by hiding their relationship status and sexual life. We all did the same. I know a friend and a cousin who got pregnant and without any choice had to undergo abortion forced by their parents.

But I was the privileged one not because my family members were more educated or my parents earned more. Trust me no amount of money and no degree can change the mindset of people.

No blood relation is important than the delusional Indian mindset of “Log kya kahenge” and “ghar ki izzat”

So what was different?

I was privileged because my mother was more accepting and she knew that I had the right to choose. She knew it was my body, my child and my life. She went against every single person in the family to stand right besides me.

So I have family members who are a bit accepting and some are trying to wrap their heads around the fact even after 5 years.

Everyone I know wants to know my story. But the truth is that no one is willing to hear the truth.

So here I am, saying the truth that most Indians won’t believe. I dumped the guy who emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abused me for years. Yes I was dim witted when I was 16 when it all started. But 10 years later I am right here trying to tell people some things that no one really told us when we were younger.

1. Love is beautiful. It has no gender, age or religion.

2. Casual sex is normal. Just be safe.

3. There is more than one type of abuse.

4. A woman has a right to choose what she wants to do with a pregnancy.

5. Wedding is for society, marriage is for you.

6. It’s ok if you don’t want a marriage. Staying single or in a Live in relationship is normal too.

7. You can change your life if you choose to unlearn what has been fed to you since childhood.

8. You can always move away from the place and people to find your own voice.

The simple message is, I am a woman I have the right to choose. I have the right to walk away from anything that doesn’t bring me joy and I have the right to walk into the Jurassic Park of motherhood with or without a marriage. Oohhh and I don’t need a marriage certificate to be happy or have sex. Your parents lied to you. Sorry about that.


Miss Harshala

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